Why Staying Together for the Kids Isn’t Doing Anyone Any Favours

Micki Lavin-Pell, is a marriage and family therapist of 15+ years, married to Gaby Pell for nearly 18 years +4 kids.   She specializes in helping couples navigate challenges at different stages of their lives and deal with attachment issues that often plague relationships using Emotionally Focused Couples therapy. She co-hosts a podcast featured on www.Jewishcoffeehouse.com, called Real Relationships and can be found on her website www.mickilavinpell.co.il

Hope and Healing: From Warsaw to Jerusalem

It was amazing how the strength of the comradery of the women enabled them to shift their view of themselves and their experience of MRKH from one in which they were hard done by and less of a woman, to feeling special. They were able to explore the possibilities that having MRKH presented to them. They also recognized the hope and possibilities that lay within their situation, on many levels. When the women started the workshop, many were nervous and fidgety. By the end, they were sitting up straight with big smiles on their faces and hope in their eyes.

What I learned was that we can all be hope experts, as we have all experienced life challenges. The more we recognize the challenges that we endured, remove the shame connected to those challenges and celebrate the accomplishments, the better able we can help others feel more hopeful too.

Encopresis: A Four-Pronged Treatment Approach

Encopresis, more commonly called “soiling” or fecal incontinence, refers to the involuntary passage of feces. Typically, this condition results from chronic constipation, but it can also be triggered by emotional issues. Encopresis, which has a 9% occurrence rate worldwide, is not considered to be a medical condition until a child is 4 years old. While encopresis is often very distressing to both the child and the family, it is treatable. The earlier treatment begins, the better the outcome. In my years of private practice as an art therapist, I have successfully treated many children with encopresis using the following four-pronged treatment approach.

Making Space for Personal Growth

Being too busy is a dis-ease of modern society

Resilience Series Part 2

The ups and downs of life are associated with a rainbow variety of emotions; some are dark, and some are light. The intensity of these emotions can vary as well. Some of us have dense and opaque emotions when our emotional reactions are high. This increased emotional reactivity can tint everything the same shade or reduce our ability to see beyond these emotions, which may further reduce our ability to cope with adversities. The good news is that we can use a few strategies to keep our emotional reactivity in check, such as grounding ourselves, cultivating somatic skills, and engaging in some mindful physical exercises.

Facing Our Fears

Facing Our Fears

The Interplay of Dread AND Hope: Holding and Navigating Contrasting Emotions in Cultivating Resilience

People often ask me: how it is possible to celebrate amid deep suffering and life-altering traumatic events that shatter any sense of safety or security and leave us in confusion and the unknown?  Dread and Hope, though seemingly contradictory, can coexist in a complex dance that shapes the human experience.  Here's how...

40 Years of Research: Why Solving Your Marital Disputes is Not the Solution

Many couples think that they just need to be able to find an agreement, a compromise, a solution to their disagreements. And that couples' therapy is about solving their disagreements. In fact, for many years this is how couples' therapists approached therapy as well. Unfortunately, this approach failed and statistically, their success rates were very low. But the field of couples therapy research has changed dramatically. In the last 40 years, Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Leslie Greenberg, and Dr. Sue Johnson, to name a few major names have made real breakthroughs, having studied many thousands of couples, watching them closely in action, on live cameras, video, behind one-way glasses and otherwise. One of Gottman's findings is that about 70% of our disagreements as couples, never get solved! And this is true not only for failing couples but for the very successful couples as well! So, if solving problems is not what leads to success, what does? The answer is that as a therapist, I can help them reach such an emotional bond that makes the issue of solving problems redundant, a non-issue. Once they have this bond, they will not necessarily need me to solve their problems. Find out more inside.

Three Ways That Differentiation- Based Couples Therapy Changed My Life

The more that my sense of self is reflected to me by others the more I make myself vulnerable to be manipulated and gaslit. If I want to be loved, liked, appreciated by the other person more than I listen to myself then I set myself up for trouble.

Feeling Helpless? Here Are 3 Corona (or Anytime) Coping Skills

It can happen at any time or place. But especially now, with the impact of COVID-19 still being felt here in Israel even as things are finally opening up, it's an expected emotion to be feeling. Helplessness. And we are all in it together. Including your therapist. What can you do when you feel like this? Here are 3 powerful skills I know of.

Is Anxiety Killing Your Chances of Finding Love?

Anna, a 35-year old, slim, petite and attractive brunette woman from Miami Beach had been…

Grief for the Loss of our Parents

Those of us granted life have to face the loss of the most profound of all our relationships. The relationship a person has with a parent, affects every stage of our life. Therefore, losing a parent at each stage in life has unique challenges.

Re-Frame Rejection so You Can Successfully Move Forward in Relationships

I have been rejected more times than I can count. By friends, boys, jobs, my kids, you name it… One of my most memorable rejections happened while in 6th grade. My English teacher encouraged us to write a journal, which I kept "hidden" in my desk. In it, I wrote all about a crush I had on a boy named Joey, a fellow classmate. I forgot that in the morning we sat at one desk and in the afternoon another. A fellow classmate found my journal and proceeded to read that very entry aloud to the entire class during recess.

Challenges of Returning Reserve Soldiers

“Wow, so great you’re home, Aharon, now everything can go back to normal!” This sentence, and variations of it, have been said to me and countless other reserve soldiers over the last few months. Though well-meaning (and also an important injection of optimism and hope!), people’s wider networks are sometimes unaware of the challenges that returning reserve soldiers face.

Isolation Has Brought Us Together

We’re in isolation, and isolation has brought us together. 

Valuable Tips to Manage Pain

Given what we know today, it appears likely that unresolved trauma, whether minor or major, plays a role in the persistence of chronic pain, through mechanisms of kindling (a self-perpetuating phenomenon of neural excitation) and priming (in which the brain readies itself to respond a certain way), that cause us to continually brace ourselves against the threat that caused the pain or the internal threat of pain itself. This is great news, because it means that to the extent that the trauma is worked through at the body/mind level, the pain should either disappear or lessen.

Embracing Your Fear

Eight years ago when I was diagnosed with Lyme disease I had a deep-seated fear of never walking again; that I would never be able to take long aimless walks like the days before.

At Home Therapeutic Art Activities for Children During Global Pandemic

During challenging times, it is important to encourage children to express how they are feeling. Children often have difficulty articulating their emotions verbally- communicating through art or play is a great alternative. This can serve as a cathartic release, empower them, and help them process new circumstances. 

Adult ADHD

Success for adults with ADHD often stems from identifying and building on their strengths, while not over-focusing on their weaknesses. Discovering one particular talent or specialized area of accomplishment is critical for adults (and children) with ADHD. The earlier in life that individuals with ADHD identify their strengths, the greater the likelihood that they will succeed as adults in their chosen academic or occupational fields of interest.

Ways to Manage Worry Instead of it Managing You – Part TWO

In part two of my blog, “Worry! Ways to Manage Worry Instead of it Managing You”, I am going to present to you some general recommendations and thoughts about dealing with worry.