Finding Home Within

Many of the people I work with are Olim Chadashim, and they often share how unsettling the transition feels. They frequently ask me for advice on how to acclimate more easily. I deeply empathize with that sense of being uprooted—of losing a familiar home base. Everything feels foreign: the language, the people, perhaps even the smells of Middle Eastern cuisine.

We miss the comforts of home—family, old friends, and the ease of asking for help in our native language. The bus driver pulls away while we are clearly waiting at the bus stop because we didn't realize we had to raise our hand for the bus driver to stop. Making a doctor's appointment turns into a whole day affair. These small frustrations can pile up, leaving us wondering, "Will I ever feel settled here?"

In the first few months after moving to Israel, nearly every aspect of life changes. You might be searching for a job, starting school, looking for an apartment, or settling into a new home. Perhaps you're attending Ulpan or coming home from work exhausted, only to face a never-ending to-do list. You may be making Aliyah with kids and worried about them making friends or wondering whether they feel lost in school. "Figure out how to book a dental appointment" and "follow up on driver's license transfer" are tasks that loom over you.

Yes, the to-do list is long, and adjusting to an entirely different way of life is challenging. But what if feeling settled isn't just about checking off tasks? What if it's actually a feeling that comes from within—like cultivating a sense of home from the inside?

This might sound paradoxical, but hear me out: being settled is not just about external circumstances. It's also a state of mind.

Emotions and states of being are fluid and ever-changing. Take love, for example. We might be deeply loved by others, but we don't always feel it. This sense of love doesn't always depend on whether others are actively showing affection. At different points in our lives, we may be more open or closed to receiving/feeling love. Our feelings can shift even within the span of a single day.

Or consider loneliness. We can feel lonely in a crowded room or feel perfectly content while completely alone. These states of mind don't always align with external realities.

As an Oleh Chadash(a), there's no perfect timeline for settling in. The process of adjusting isn't just about learning the language or figuring out how to navigate bureaucracy but also about embracing the discomfort, uncertainty, and even the beauty of this transitional phase.

Trust that over time, your external environment will feel more familiar. But also trust that you can nurture a sense of calm and belonging within yourself, regardless of your surroundings.

Feeling settled doesn't come from controlling every aspect of your life—it comes from trusting yourself to navigate whatever comes your way. It's about letting go of the need to have everything figured out and instead choosing to embrace the unfolding process. Over time, you might find that the unfamiliar becomes familiar, and what once felt foreign begins to feel like home.

I'm not big on giving advice (my friends hate me for that!), but here are a few things that have helped me acclimate while embracing the journey which you could make your own:

Create Small Rituals: Establishing small routines can provide a sense of stability in unfamiliar surroundings. Whether it's finding a favorite tea to sip when you come home from a long day of work, taking regular walks in a local park with a friend, or baking challah for Shabbat, these rituals can help ground you in your new environment.

Seek Community: Connecting with others who share your experiences or interests can make a world of difference. Look for local groups, synagogues, or cultural events where you can meet people and start building your community.

Celebrate Small Wins: Adjusting to a new life is full of tiny victories—whether it's navigating public transport, inviting a new person out for coffee, or figuring out how to pay your bills. Take time to recognize and celebrate these achievements.

Engage in Self-Reflection: Journaling or taking quiet moments to process your emotions can help you better understand your feelings and what you may need to feel more settled inside. Reflecting on your experiences also allows you to see how far you've come and where you want to grow.

Be Patient with Yourself: Perhaps the most important tip of all. Adjustment takes time, and it's okay to feel off-balance while finding your footing. Compassion and patience with yourself are key to settling in. Remind yourself from time to time: "It's okay to be new to things, I am brave for taking this journey."

Life's transitions are rarely smooth, but this journey has taught me something invaluable: growth often comes from leaning into discomfort, rather than resisting it. As we learn to navigate a new language, culture, and way of life, we discover that finding balance doesn't mean avoiding uncertainty—it means embracing it.

In the end, perhaps the most profound settlement happens not when Israel becomes familiar, but when we become familiar with ourselves amid change. And in this process of inner settlement, we find not just a new home in Israel, but a deeper home within ourselves.