Ways to Manage Worry Instead of it Managing You – Part One

My goal, after you finish reading this blog is that you will get a more comprehensive understanding of toxic worry and the tools to help you manage it better. Managing your worrying in a healthier way will allow you to free yourself, increase your energy level and give you a greater ability to love yourself and others. Worry only inhibits the expression of love.

4 Ways NOT to Apologize to Your Spouse

Couples occupy the same spaces, literally and figuratively, and it’s inevitable that they will clash or disappoint each other from time to time. When that happens, an apology is a major part of making amends. Here are some of the most common mistakes made when apologizing.

Back To School With ADHD

Advice to parents who face particular challenges around back-to-school among children with ADHD. Suggestions are offered in the context of common challenges such as difficulties with lack of routine, learning new habits and impulsivity. I invite parents to consult with me to examine ways to understand what's behind certain behaviors and build strategies, smoothing the way for better coping.

Why Invest in Your Relationship Skills Before You Even Find Love?

No one wants to live with a feeling that disaster can strike at any time….

Understanding Relational Therapy and Why It Matters in Eating Disorder Treatment

This piece traces the evolution of relational therapy and shows why its emphasis on attunement, authenticity, and connection is especially effective in treating eating disorders. It reveals how the therapeutic relationship itself becomes a corrective emotional experience, allowing clients to access and heal the deeper wounds beneath disordered eating.

Why Staying Together for the Kids Isn’t Doing Anyone Any Favours

Micki Lavin-Pell, is a marriage and family therapist of 15+ years, married to Gaby Pell for nearly 18 years +4 kids.   She specializes in helping couples navigate challenges at different stages of their lives and deal with attachment issues that often plague relationships using Emotionally Focused Couples therapy. She co-hosts a podcast featured on www.Jewishcoffeehouse.com, called Real Relationships and can be found on her website www.mickilavinpell.co.il

40 Years of Research: Why Solving Your Marital Disputes is Not the Solution

Many couples think that they just need to be able to find an agreement, a compromise, a solution to their disagreements. And that couples' therapy is about solving their disagreements. In fact, for many years this is how couples' therapists approached therapy as well. Unfortunately, this approach failed and statistically, their success rates were very low. But the field of couples therapy research has changed dramatically. In the last 40 years, Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Leslie Greenberg, and Dr. Sue Johnson, to name a few major names have made real breakthroughs, having studied many thousands of couples, watching them closely in action, on live cameras, video, behind one-way glasses and otherwise. One of Gottman's findings is that about 70% of our disagreements as couples, never get solved! And this is true not only for failing couples but for the very successful couples as well! So, if solving problems is not what leads to success, what does? The answer is that as a therapist, I can help them reach such an emotional bond that makes the issue of solving problems redundant, a non-issue. Once they have this bond, they will not necessarily need me to solve their problems. Find out more inside.

The Fight or Flight Response: When Anxiety is Your Friend

On Becoming a Personal Scientist: Beginnings

As the baby gains enough safety and security via his attachment systems with the significant people in his life, he is able to identify and then befriend the familiar within the strange.

Managing Custody During Corona

The Corona crisis is challenging and stressful on many levels. This is particularly true in families already challenged by divorce and managing custody. My blog addresses basic points of reference around children's needs and challenges around going back and forth between parents and advise to parents on how to best navigate. I offer some "do's and don'ts" for promoting successful communication as well as advise on juggling your life when the children are with you. I invite you to contact me for help, advise or even just venting! Everyone needs someone, now more than ever.

Communicating for Connection

A key task for couples is learning to express their needs explicitly, rather than expecting their spouse to read between the lines.

Am I Depressed or Just Sad?

Growing up, I remember people saying, “I’m so depressed.” What made them so depressed? Various…

Who's Afraid of Retirement?

Navigating retirement is not only about filling your time or learning new skills. There is value in looking back, at what was, in addition to what’s next. There are relationships with others that will be impacted by retirement, and more than that; there is also the relationship with yourself.

Beyond Their Words: Understanding the Real Question

Peter Drucker wisely stated, "The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." This article delves into that profound truth, illustrating how discerning unspoken messages can transform our interactions. We explore the critical skill of understanding the true questions behind the words, from veiled pleas for help to the silent cries hidden in seemingly innocuous inquiries. Discover why truly effective communication requires listening not just to what is spoken, but to the deeper needs and concerns that remain unsaid.

Dying at a Distance: Grief During Covid

Humans are incredibly resilient. I am constantly in awe of the people that I speak to, in my role as a bereavement therapist, who are creating amended rituals to help them cope with their painful losses. There is no correct answer to our predicament. It feels unfair to be deprived of the comfort of our traditions that help guide and heal mourners. However, we can try to creatively engage in meaningful adaptations of our rituals during this crisis to help us process our grief.

Caregiving in the Time of Quarantine

How can we as caregivers of elderly relatives, whether they are local or across the world, navigate the realities of this pandemic? How do we adjust to this “new normal” in our lives with responsibilities as adult children to our elderly loved ones? How can we cope with the inevitable guilt that arises from not being able to fully meet our family’s needs during this time of crisis?

What Makes Us Miss Relationship Red Flags?

Have you come out of a relationship recently where you feel like banging your head against a wall because yet again you’ve dated someone who turned out to be a bad apple? So you go into this mantra of telling yourself there must be no good people to date, because everyone you go out with ends badly.
Your dating pattern may look something like this. You meet someone, they make you feel really good in the beginning, they treat you nicely, take you to nice places and show you a good time. Then slowly they show less interest in you. Maybe they distance themselves from you, start saying things that are hurtful, or seem to care less about your opinion?

Three Ways That Differentiation- Based Couples Therapy Changed My Life

The more that my sense of self is reflected to me by others the more I make myself vulnerable to be manipulated and gaslit. If I want to be loved, liked, appreciated by the other person more than I listen to myself then I set myself up for trouble.

Can Adolescents Act Abusively?

Parents are often reluctant to admit that their teenager is acting in ways which are abusive due to their own feelings of guilt, shame or a sense of failure. In some of these cases, the adolescent was exposed to domestic violence or experienced abuse within the family at an earlier age and then repeats familiar family patterns at a later stage. In other cases, however, no history of abuse exists within the family.

Taking a U Turn From Thought: A Mindful Pathway Out of Trance

“Who is your enemy?” said the Buddha. “Mind is your enemy. Not one can harm you more than a mind untrained. Who is your friend? No one can assist you and care for you better than your mind well-trained. Not even the most loving mother or father.”