Beyond Their Words: Understanding the Real Question

Peter Drucker wisely stated, "The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." This article delves into that profound truth, illustrating how discerning unspoken messages can transform our interactions. We explore the critical skill of understanding the true questions behind the words, from veiled pleas for help to the silent cries hidden in seemingly innocuous inquiries. Discover why truly effective communication requires listening not just to what is spoken, but to the deeper needs and concerns that remain unsaid.

New Job Jitters

When beginning a new job if you are constantly worried about failing and feeling like you need to prove yourself at every turn that can cause significant stress which will most likely hinder performance.  Rather than engendering positive relationships and being open to learning, the fear of someone discovering shortcomings will be so pervasive that it will be very difficult to acclimate to the new position effectively.  On the other hand, a growth mindset which encourages you to learn from others, think about mistakes as essential to the process of learning and acclimating and being open to a new way of doing things will lead you to have more joy and energy, feel less anxious,  and make a good impression on your colleagues.

40 Years of Research: Why Solving Your Marital Disputes is Not the Solution

Many couples think that they just need to be able to find an agreement, a compromise, a solution to their disagreements. And that couples' therapy is about solving their disagreements. In fact, for many years this is how couples' therapists approached therapy as well. Unfortunately, this approach failed and statistically, their success rates were very low. But the field of couples therapy research has changed dramatically. In the last 40 years, Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Leslie Greenberg, and Dr. Sue Johnson, to name a few major names have made real breakthroughs, having studied many thousands of couples, watching them closely in action, on live cameras, video, behind one-way glasses and otherwise. One of Gottman's findings is that about 70% of our disagreements as couples, never get solved! And this is true not only for failing couples but for the very successful couples as well! So, if solving problems is not what leads to success, what does? The answer is that as a therapist, I can help them reach such an emotional bond that makes the issue of solving problems redundant, a non-issue. Once they have this bond, they will not necessarily need me to solve their problems. Find out more inside.

Bagruyot Testing Accommodations for Olim

The primary focus here will be on accommodations for the Israeli Bagruyot. Providing accommodations at the Elementary school level is usually at the discretion of the school based upon psycho-educational testing. The Elementary school is not obligated in any way to provide the recommended accommodations and likewise can decide to allow them without a specific recommendation. There is no regulatory body regarding testing accommodations at the Elementary level.

Simmering Soup: On the Importance of Asking Questions

Sometimes the question sits on the back burner like low-simmering stew that has all but been forgotten. An innocent question may ignite a fire in a chilly room and we are off in a new direction. Or sometimes it buzzes around like a nasty mosquito.

Why Staying Together for the Kids Isn’t Doing Anyone Any Favours

Micki Lavin-Pell, is a marriage and family therapist of 15+ years, married to Gaby Pell for nearly 18 years +4 kids.   She specializes in helping couples navigate challenges at different stages of their lives and deal with attachment issues that often plague relationships using Emotionally Focused Couples therapy. She co-hosts a podcast featured on www.Jewishcoffeehouse.com, called Real Relationships and can be found on her website www.mickilavinpell.co.il

On Becoming a Personal Scientist: Living in the half-full glass

The half-full glass is the antidote to the half-empty one.

The Interplay of Dread AND Hope: Holding and Navigating Contrasting Emotions in Cultivating Resilience

People often ask me: how it is possible to celebrate amid deep suffering and life-altering traumatic events that shatter any sense of safety or security and leave us in confusion and the unknown?  Dread and Hope, though seemingly contradictory, can coexist in a complex dance that shapes the human experience.  Here's how...

Why Invest in Your Relationship Skills Before You Even Find Love?

No one wants to live with a feeling that disaster can strike at any time….

Embracing Transitions: Finding the MAGIC PAUSE Moment

Autumn is the season of change.  I grew up in the Midwest, Chicago.    First there…

How to Choose the Right Therapist

Choosing the right therapist may feel overwhelming. Here are some tips to help guide you.

The Fight or Flight Response: When Anxiety is Your Friend

The Pike Phenomenon: A Lesson for an Empowered Life

In Proverbs, King Solomon taught the sluggard to go and learn from an ant. More recently, researchers have taught us that we should go and learn from a fish. Move over, Grandma! There’s much more to pike than just gefilte fish.

Life Skills Taught By Horses

In this insightful blog, we explore the transformative role of equine therapy in children's lives. Horses, far more than majestic creatures, are exceptional teachers, imparting essential life skills to young learners. We delve into how these animals mirror emotions, instill responsibility, and empower children, teaching them about trust, respect, and self-efficacy. This narrative goes beyond riding, highlighting how caring for horses shapes a child's character and resilience, revealing the profound impact of this unique human-animal bond in nurturing confident, empathetic, and responsible individuals.

Resilience Series Part 4

Adversities can tint our lenses dark, giving us a gloomy, hopeless outlook. We may struggle to see a way out and feel powerless. Fortunately, you can take off those dark lenses and adopt a brighter outlook. You can find meaning and purpose even in the face of adversities and visualize a brighter future. You can boost your optimism, have a more positive view of everything, and notice things and people you are grateful for. Moreover, you can find humor in daily life and find shared humanity with others, which may strengthen your joy and compassion. By improving your outlook, you can feel more powerful to ward off whatever life throws at you.

Back To School With ADHD

Advice to parents who face particular challenges around back-to-school among children with ADHD. Suggestions are offered in the context of common challenges such as difficulties with lack of routine, learning new habits and impulsivity. I invite parents to consult with me to examine ways to understand what's behind certain behaviors and build strategies, smoothing the way for better coping.

Dying at a Distance: Grief During Covid

Humans are incredibly resilient. I am constantly in awe of the people that I speak to, in my role as a bereavement therapist, who are creating amended rituals to help them cope with their painful losses. There is no correct answer to our predicament. It feels unfair to be deprived of the comfort of our traditions that help guide and heal mourners. However, we can try to creatively engage in meaningful adaptations of our rituals during this crisis to help us process our grief.

Lets Talk About Therapy The Same Way We Talk About Going To the Gym

Imagine how much easier life would be if therapy was seen simply as a form…

Making Space for Personal Growth

Being too busy is a dis-ease of modern society

How to Connect With Your Partner in the Pandemic and Beyond

Consider this dream: you and your partner experience the pandemic with your marriage intact and your family even closer and more connected than ever. You can practice a more loving way of relating, with more kindness and giving. This blog offers practical tips for becoming a great communicator, being a generous listener, and adding gratitude to your relationship.