Couples Crisis Counseling | Pre-Marital Counseling
Avraham Weitz Verified
Couples and Family Therapist
Couples Crisis Counseling | Pre-Marital Counseling
The following are 3 proven tips towards building a secure, fulfilling and loving marriage.
Tip #1 - It’s not the two of us; rather we are three - myself, my spouse and the safe space between us. The question couples who ‘get it right’ ask themselves is – what am I doing on a daily basis to make this space between us safe and comfortable for my partner? Cutting edge research in interpersonal neurobiology and its game-changing contribution to making couples therapy what John Gottman calls – the ‘art and science of love’, teaches us that our relationship’s success depends on the degree to which we feel safe and secure – at home. When I am feeling safe and secure there’s a better chance that I will be able to summon up the courage to open up and be vulnerable, and it is here - with our guard down and our hearts open - where we are able to connect, deeply and with presence.
The first step is being aware and conscious of this space between us. The next step is to check in with myself and take an honest look at my actions, words and even the vibe that I am giving over – do they nurture and grow that space or are they doing the opposite? The last part is to greatly increase those positive “bids for connection” while greatly decreasing the negatives, such as criticism, contempt and self-defensiveness.
Tip #2 – Are You Available? These three seemingly simple yet profound words are a check-in with my spouse. Is there something I want to share with the other? Perhaps you can recall that experience of wanting to share something with your husband or wife, and, often underlying this was a desire to connect and become closer. What happened at times? Perhaps we were met with indifference, or a sour face, or even irritability or anger. Very quickly all of our excitement and desire for connection turned into disappointment (if not a sense of rejection or a feeling of resentment). In beginning with the question "are you available?" we are asking our partner are you open emotionally and mentally to listen to me, to see me, to connect and come into my world for a moment? And, it's totally understandable, and human, if they say at the moment, “I am not so available; actually, I am upset, irritable, or perhaps tired from long day of work”. But, it does not end here. Now it becomes my partner's (the one who is currently not available) responsibility to initiate an encounter between us in which they are available and interested in connecting. Ideally, this should be relatively soon after, at least before we go to sleep that night.
Tip #3 – Having fun, and often! I know, this is an obvious one, and, yet, many of the couples I work with never get to this, at least not as often as they'd like to. With careers, kids and a million other really important things that take up our day, carving out time for the two of us to go out and have fun, enjoy each other's company and life! – not an easy task. Yet, us choosing and prioritizing to have fun together on a regular basis is vital to a happy and fulfilling marriage.
These three tips are just a small glimpse into the work I do as a couples and marriage therapist to help couples to rediscover and deepen their connection through learning a new way of communicating. As you both begin to feel more understood, really seeing one another, those places and moments of conflict and distance are transformed into places of intimacy and healing.
Learning skills, ideas and concepts based on an eclectic blend of the most effective, research-based couples therapies (Imago, EFT and Gottman) as well as Attachment Theory and Somatic Experiencing, couples become empowered, experiencing progress and movement relatively quickly. Certainly in the session, but even more important, between sessions, couples in my clinic find themselves building a relationship of intimacy. They are encouraged by their ability to take more personal responsibility and witness their relationship becoming less reactive and more conscious.
Investing in a secure and fulfilling relationship is one of the most important and rewarding decisions we can make. Feel free to contact me to learn more about how you and your spouse can make it a reality.
University of North Texas
Advanced Clinician in Imago Relationship Therapy 2021
Certificate Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Externship (EFT), 2019
Somatic Intervention Level 1 - 2019
Somatic Intervention Level 2 - 2021
Terry Real High Impact Couples Therapy - 2020
Certificate Somatic Experiencing (SE) Level 1 & 2, 2018
Certificate Gottman Couples Therapy - Level 1, 2017
Certificate in Imago Relationship Therapy, 2017
Certificate in Mental Health and Family Studies, 2015
Post-Graduate Certificate Program in Sex Therapy - Merkaz Rotem and the Hadassah Medical Center - 2022
Telephone Counseling, Online Therapy
Couples / Relationship / Marriage Counseling
Dating and Premarriage Counseling
Dating and Pre-Marriage counseling
Attachment-Based Family Therapy (ABFT)Attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the family's relationships and communication patterns. It is based on the theory that strong and secure attachments between family members are essential for emotional health and well-being. The goal of ABFT is to identify any problems in family relationships, enable family members to become more attuned to each other’s needs, and build a secure bond between them. It also helps family members to practice healthy communication skills, learn effective problem-solving strategies, and build trust within the family.
Emotion-Focused TherapyEmotion-focused therapy (EFT) is a type of psychotherapy that is based on the idea that emotions play a key role in a person’s mental health. EFT focuses on helping people to identify, accept, and manage their emotions in a healthy and productive way. The goal of EFT is to help people identify and express their emotions, understand how those emotions impact their behavior, and learn how to manage their emotions in a way that is adaptive and healthy. EFT is a research-based approach to psychotherapy that has been found to be effective in helping people manage a variety of mental health conditions. It has been used successfully in the treatment of individuals, couples, and families, as well as with groups. EFT is particularly beneficial for people who struggle with emotional regulation, mood disorders, anxiety, trauma, and relationship issues.
Gottman MethodThe Gottman Method is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy that is designed to help couples strengthen their relationships and resolve conflicts. This method is based upon decades of research on thousands of couples and utilizes an approach that is both structured and collaborative. The method is designed to help couples increase respect, affection, and closeness, break through and resolve conflict, generate greater understanding, and to keep conflict discussions calm. It emphasizes the importance of self-regulation, constructive communication, and creating a safe environment for couples to talk and work through their issues. During sessions, couples work on skills such as active listening and expressing needs and feelings effectively. Couples are also given tools to identify and work through conflicts by using problem-solving techniques and developing strategies to manage emotions and reduce stress.
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT)IRT focuses on helping couples identify and address their unconscious patterns of behavior that contribute to conflict and dissatisfaction in the relationship. IRT also emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and validation in healing past wounds and creating a more positive and fulfilling relationship. IRT helps couples develop communication skills and a deeper understanding of each other's needs and feelings.
Through Imago Therapy, couples will be able to explore their communication patterns, discover sources of conflict, and create new ways of connecting with each other that build empathy and understanding. The therapist will also work with the couple to create a vision for their relationship and set realistic goals for how to achieve it. This therapy helps couples to develop better communication, trust, and intimacy, as well as providing hope for the future of their relationship.
Somatic Experiencing (SE)Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-oriented approach to the healing of trauma and other physical and psychological stresses. It is based on the idea that the body is a powerful source of healing and that unresolved trauma can be resolved through the process of bringing awareness and attention to the physical sensations of the body. By gradually and gently guiding individuals through the sensations associated with their traumatic experience, SE can help to restore balance and well-being more quickly and effectively than traditional psychotherapy. SE utilizes the body’s natural ability to regulate and heal itself and supports individuals in developing more resilience and self-regulation. Somatic Experiencing aims to help people move past the place where they might be “stuck” in processing a traumatic event. SE is often used to treat symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.