Preparing for Seminary in Israel

If your daughter is nervous about spending a year in Seminary in Israel, what are the issues to look out for, and how can you prepare her to get the most out of her year?

[Boys who travel to Israel to study in Yeshiva also encounter some of these issues, however in this article we will focus on the more extreme situations that tend to more commonly affect girls.]

Leaving high school and heading to Israel for that all-important gap year in Seminary is a major milestone in a student’s personal development. So what should parents do if they suspect that their daughter may find it hard to manage such an intense experience?

Going to Seminary in Israel generally involves moving across the world into a new, unfamiliar environment. Many girls find that simple tasks such as shopping for essentials and traveling to their hosts for Shabbat can seem incredibly challenging. If your daughter does not have any close friends in the same Seminary, she may feel stranded without her usual support network. There may be much less personal space than she is used to; sharing a dorm room means not being able to retreat to her own bedroom when she is tired or upset. The program of activities that she will be expected to participate in is usually intense, with long days of learning and physically strenuous hikes around Israel.

Before we present our list of practical tips for parents, let’s start with some preparatory issues to think about.

Issue 1: Is Your Daughter in Therapy?

A student who has emotional health issues that are being treated at home has a head start on her peers. It is important to discuss with her therapist how she can start to prepare herself with tools for coping with life in Seminary. It may be a good idea to arrange sessions with a recommended English-speaking therapist in Israel (there are many listed on www.gethelpisrael.com) and have her current therapist brief the new therapist on what to expect. Certainly any girl who is taking medication should make arrangements to continue and obtain additional medication when needed, with a plan in place for an emergency supply if she loses her pills. Most importantly, do not be afraid to tell the director of your daughter’s Seminary about her history. They will quickly realize that she needs help, and they will have more respect for parents who are honest and pragmatic about such issues.

Issue 2: Does Your Daughter Need Therapy?

We frequently come across students who were not receiving therapeutic treatment at home, but where it was obvious that they may have latent emotional issues that were likely to emerge when they left home, particularly when exposed to the intense environment of seminary. For many adolescents who have been coping with family tensions, divorce, illness or bereavement, this year away from home is their first opportunity to get help. It is always better to flag potential issues with your daughter’s Seminary so that they can keep an eye on her and provide support as soon as they see signs of distress.

Issue 3: Should Your Daughter Go to Seminary?

Some parents may be nervous about allowing their daughter to come to Seminary because of her emotional issues. While there is no “one size fits all” answer to this question and such a decision should be made together with any clinicians involved in her care back at home, where possible, we believe that students should not miss out on this formative year.

Issue 4: What Emotional Health Issues Arise in Seminary?

Emotional health issues that typically emerge in the Seminary environment include changes in mood, anxiety, difficulties in social interaction and differing manifestations of disordered eating – eating healthily can be particularly challenging for girls when the menu in Sem is Israeli institutional catering! In more extreme situations, if she is finding life tough, she may start to exhibit impulsive, addictive and self-harming behaviors as well as. The poor sleep schedule can further exacerbate these issues.

Despite the above, it is important for teachers and counsellors to recognize that the behavior that a girl demonstrates is often very different from what she is experiencing inside. Highly intelligent people can often compensate for their feelings and may seem to be functioning normally, disguising the fact that they are finding it hard to cope. Others may exhibit destructive or manipulative behavior in their relationships with friends, madrichot and teachers, giving out signals that they are not managing their emotional state.

Issue 5: What Support is Available in Israel?

Seminary staff are usually trained to recognize such warning signs and will engage  professional support to help with serious or worsening emotional health issues. Such girls will get support from experienced seminary staff and the therapists that they engage for this purpose. Parents are usually asked to pay for the therapy, but this is usually preferable to the trauma of a girl being sent home for treatment, and therapy in Israel is often cheaper than in the United States.  There are even American student health insurance policies that cover therapy in Israel, which may be worth considering if you suspect that your daughter may need such assistance during her year in Israel.

Dr Shmuel Harris MD set up Machon Dvir to help students who are at risk of being sent home, with the goal of providing them with a therapeutic program to equip them with the skills to regulate their emotions and behavior and thus stay in Seminary.

The multi-disciplinary team at Machon Dvir in Jerusalem starts by assessing each case and developing a specific treatment plan with defined goals and measures. They then provide a program of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), incorporating both group and individual therapy, to help them regulate their emotions and manage the challenges that they encounter in Sem. They also provide medical management where this is required.

The Machon Dvir team works closely with the Seminary staff and with any other therapists providing care to the student, as well as liaising with the student’s parents and teachers.

Dr Harris explains: “We want to help these students to stay in Israel. We’re not aiming for a deep therapeutic process in the short time they are here. We just want to give them the tools and support so that they feel safe and stable enough to get the most out of their year here.”

Some Practical Tips for Surviving Seminary:

Based on our experience, here is our advice for parents to make life easier for their daughters:

1) Be honest – inform the seminary staff and family/friends in Israel about any issues.

2) Continue medications and arrange for your daughter to see a local therapist who can be briefed in advance.

3) Provide support and reassurance in regular phone calls but don’t smother her with your concerns.

4) Check with an informed and trusted staff member or madricha that they are keeping a close eye on her.

5) Find a friend or relative who lives nearby where she can go for occasional authorized ‘time out’ breaks, particularly at difficult times like the Chagim when she may feel homesick.

6) Ask friends at other Seminaries to stay in touch with your daughter – perhaps provide extra money so they can go out for coffee together.

7) Organize health insurance that covers therapy in Israel (contact Machon Dvir for details)

8) Arrange to visit your daughter, or ask family friends or teachers who are visiting Israel to do so.