Canary in the Coal Mine

Many people grow up being told they are “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “the problem.” Very often, these people are in fact people who feel deeply, who notice what others miss, who can sense when something is off - such as tension, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and emotional danger. Often these people try to name the problem, or they refuse to go along with it.

Over the years I have encountered a number of clinically framed understandings of this phenomenon and in this article I will attempt to articulate and explain it, as well as offer some resources for those who identify with the patterns I will describe.

This article is essentially a tool of empowerment for people who may identify as highly sensitive or perceptive; who have grown up in dysfunctional or abusive systems, and who have found themselves treated as if they are the problem.

High Sensitivity: A Real, Research-Backed Trait

Psychologist Elaine Aron coined the term Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) for people who have the trait of sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS). This is a temperament trait found in about 15–30% of the population.¹

Research on SPS/HSP shows that the brain of a highly sensitive person tends to show greater activation in areas related to empathy, awareness, and depth of processing when exposed to emotional or social information.¹ HSPs also tend to think and feel deeply, become overstimulated more easily, have strong emotional responsivity and empathy and notice subtle cues such as tone, body language,and atmosphere, that others may miss. These core features are sometimes summarized by Aron as DOES: Depth of processing, Overstimulation, Emotional intensity/empathy, and Sensitivity to subtleties.¹

In other words, HSP are wired to pick up on what is happening under the surface. That wiring is neutral in itself, neither “good” nor “bad.” However, depending on the environment the person grows up in, these sensitivities can be experienced as either strengths or super powers, or as painful and problematic.

Why did I call this article Canary in the Coal Mine? Research suggests that both children and adults who fit the self-defining criteria of High Sensitivity, often function like a canary in the coal mine. Canaries would be placed in coal mines to determine if there was enough oxygen or not

for miners to survive going into them. They were an early warning sign so to speak. If they stopped singing (and died), it signalled that the mine was not safe for human entry. The canaries spoke up so as to prevent the minors from entering and potentially dying. HSP by their nature, react earlier and more intensely to what is happening around them.² They are the canaries that blow the whistle when there is a lack of safety, before others are either aware or feel able to do so.

Studies show that highly sensitive children are often better at reading emotions and subtle emotional cues in others.² They are also more affected, for better and for worse, by their environment and thus flourish more in supportive settings and struggle more in harsh or chaotic ones.²

If a sensitive person grows up in a home or community where there is unspoken conflict, secrets, or don’t talk about it rules, as well as addiction, abuse, or emotional neglect, or even a strong emphasis on keeping up appearances, their sensitivity may have meant that they felt the tension and couldn’t pretend everything was fine, even when everyone else was invested in doing just that.

Family systems theory has long described the role of the “identified patient”, or the one person who is treated as the problem, while their symptoms actually point to a deeper family or systemic issue.³ In everyday language we may call them the family scapegoat or family whistleblower. These are the people who name the truth saying such things as “this feels wrong”, or “why is no one talking about X?”

Sometimes when sensitive children are in these kinds of environments, they express their distress through dysregulated behaviour such as anxiety, avoidance, or a refusal to play along. They then get blamed, shamed, or punished for “causing trouble,” “being difficult,” or “making everyone upset.”³ In dysfunctional families, the one who points to the fire gets treated as if they started the fire.

This dynamic can be especially painful, because for this type or person, not only is there a heightened sense of perception, but emotions are also felt more acutely. So they feel tension and rejection more intensely and may internalize blame or being reprimanded to a greater extent. Narratives such as “maybe I am too sensitive / dramatic/ unstable” can arise. HSP often describe deeply wanting connection, authenticity and safety, and how they have repeated experiences of being punished for seeking those things.

Over time, this can shape someone’s sense of self. Some more common internalised narratives that can arise include: “I am the problem”. My feelings cause harm”. My perception can’t be trusted”. It’s safer to disappear, appease, or attack myself.”

How This Dynamic Can Affect Development

Being a sensitive “truth-teller” in a denying or abusive environment is, in itself, a kind of chronic relational trauma. Common outcomes include:

Anxiety and hypervigilance, constantly scanning for danger; difficulty relaxing.

People-pleasing or fawning, trying to reduce conflict by being perfect, invisible, or extremely helpful.

Shame and self-doubt

Confusion about reality especially if you were gaslit (which means being told things like “That never happened,” “You’re imagining it,” “You’re crazy” etc).

Identity built around being the difficult one, or alternately, around suppressing yourself so completely that no one can accuse you of being difficult.

From a sensitivity research perspective, this fits what’s called differential susceptibility; sensitive p eople are more deeply impacted by negative environments (and more likely to develop anxiety, depression, social withdrawal etc), but also benefit more from supportive environments.²

How This Links to Eating and Body Image

As an eating disorder specialist, I am particularly interested in the intersection between this highly sensitive/ whistle blower profile and difficulties with disordered eating and body image. In the book Eating in the Light of the Moon, Anita Johnston describes how many women with disordered eating are intuitive, emotionally sensitive, and perceptive, but have had these qualities dismissed, shamed, or overwhelmed.⁴ Johnston’s reflections caught my attention because they clearly overlap with the sensitive truth-teller described by Aron.

Johnston suggests that this kind of personality and adjacent experience, can lead to struggles with food and body in a number of ways. She discusses something she names Symbolic Hunger - a hunger that leads to what looks like “out-of-control eating” but what may also be a response to unmet emotional and relational needs. She also reflects on the notion of silenced intuition, which is when someone’s perceptions are constantly invalidated, thus it becomes harder for them to recognise or trust their own inner knowing. Similarly, she describes how this kind of experience inhibits someone’s power and voice, and how food and body rituals can become a way to manage feelings of powerlessness, or to communicate distress when direct truth-telling (even stating basic needs that simply can’t be heard or met by caregivers), has been punished. From a clinical point of view, this is a creative survival strategy in a system where true perceptions and needs were not welcomed or safe.

Sensitivity as a Strength

For those who identify with this personality type, it can be easy to believe that your sensitivity and your tendency to speak up (or simply feel the truth) are flaws. I’ve heard clients who fit this profile describe themselves as “attention seeking” and “needy” over and over again. Yet the research and clinical literature suggest that high sensitivity is a stable temperament trait, not a defect.¹ Sensitive people in fact process information more deeply, often with more empathy and complexity.¹ In healthy environments, sensitive individuals tend to show greater social competence, emotional understanding, and capacity for growth than their less sensitive peers.² In other words, the very qualities that made someone a target in an unhealthy system are often the same qualities that make them wise, ethical, and deeply relational in healthier environments.

How Therapy Can Help

If you recognise yourself in this description, therapy can help by:

Naming the pattern and understanding yourself as highly sensitive / environmentally sensitive, rather than “dramatic”, “needy”, “annoying”, “attention seeking” etc; and by recognising the scapegoat / identified patient / whistleblower dynamics you were caught in.

Reality-testing & de-gaslighting. Clarifying what you did actually see, hear, and feel vs. what you were told about yourself. This leads to rebuilding trust in your own perception and memory.

Regulating a sensitive nervous system and learning tools for grounding, self-soothing, and boundaries. Working with over-activation (fight/flight) and shutdown (freeze/fawn or appease).

Reclaiming your voice safely and practising how to speak up in ways that are boundaried and self-respecting. Learning that you can tell the truth without sacrificing your safety or worth.

Reframing the story and moving from “I was/am the problem” to “I was the one who felt what was really happening and people around me felt uncomfortable with that”. This helps you to see your sensitivity as part of your ethics, empathy and integrity.

If food and body are involved, exploring how eating, exercise, or body image have functioned as protection, communication or self-soothing; which can help you to move toward more direct ways of expressing needs and emotions, while honouring the intelligence in what your body and patterns have been trying to do.

Now can be the time to reclaim your sensitivity as a strength - a super power! You can develop safer ways to use your perception and voice, and to claim it as an asset rather than a liability! I recommend reading the book The Highly Sensitive Person (as referenced in this article), and also, if relevant, finding a therapist you connect with to work through the repercussions of these experiences safely.

References

¹ Aron E.N., The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You (1997). New York: Broadway Books

² Hartman, S. & Belsky, J. “An Evolutionary Perspective on Family Studies: Differential Susceptibility to Environmental Influences”. Family Process, 55(4). Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26133233/

³ Ellis, B. J., Boyce, W. T., Belsky, J., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., & van IJzendoorn, M. H. (2011). “Differential Susceptibility to the Environment: Toward an Understanding of Sensitivity to Developmental Experiences and Context.” Development and Psychopathology. Retrieved from https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/development-and-psychopathology/article/differential-s usceptibility-to-the-environment-toward-an-understanding-of-sensitivity-to-developmental-experi ences-and-context/

⁴ Johnston J., Eating in the Light of the Moon: How Women Can Transform Their Relationship with Food through Myths, Metaphors, and Storytelling. (1996). Carlsbad, CA: Gürze Books