Managing Custody During Corona

The Corona crisis is challenging and stressful on many levels. This is particularly true in families already challenged by divorce and managing custody. My blog addresses basic points of reference around children's needs and challenges around going back and forth between parents and advise to parents on how to best navigate. I offer some "do's and don'ts" for promoting successful communication as well as advise on juggling your life when the children are with you. I invite you to contact me for help, advise or even just venting! Everyone needs someone, now more than ever.

Bagruyot Testing Accommodations for Olim

The primary focus here will be on accommodations for the Israeli Bagruyot. Providing accommodations at the Elementary school level is usually at the discretion of the school based upon psycho-educational testing. The Elementary school is not obligated in any way to provide the recommended accommodations and likewise can decide to allow them without a specific recommendation. There is no regulatory body regarding testing accommodations at the Elementary level.

Fundamentals of Trauma Recovery, Part 3

While extremely distressing, flashbacks are actually memories. Registering what is a memory, and what is happening now, is essential.

Homesick in the Holy Land?

Why even the most idealistic olim may struggle emotionally after fulfilling their dream of aliya.

Aliya: Dreaming the Dream vs. Living the Reality

After dreaming it, planning it, and making it happen, why does it feel harder than expected?

From “He Said, She Said” to “He Felt, She Felt” (Part 2 of Winter Series 5786)

Beneath most heated exchanges lie deeper feelings waiting to be understood.

Beyond Their Words: Understanding the Real Question

Peter Drucker wisely stated, "The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." This article delves into that profound truth, illustrating how discerning unspoken messages can transform our interactions. We explore the critical skill of understanding the true questions behind the words, from veiled pleas for help to the silent cries hidden in seemingly innocuous inquiries. Discover why truly effective communication requires listening not just to what is spoken, but to the deeper needs and concerns that remain unsaid.

Why Staying Together for the Kids Isn’t Doing Anyone Any Favours

Micki Lavin-Pell, is a marriage and family therapist of 15+ years, married to Gaby Pell for nearly 18 years +4 kids.   She specializes in helping couples navigate challenges at different stages of their lives and deal with attachment issues that often plague relationships using Emotionally Focused Couples therapy. She co-hosts a podcast featured on www.Jewishcoffeehouse.com, called Real Relationships and can be found on her website www.mickilavinpell.co.il

Taking a U Turn From Thought: A Mindful Pathway Out of Trance

“Who is your enemy?” said the Buddha. “Mind is your enemy. Not one can harm you more than a mind untrained. Who is your friend? No one can assist you and care for you better than your mind well-trained. Not even the most loving mother or father.”

Challenges of Returning Reserve Soldiers

“Wow, so great you’re home, Aharon, now everything can go back to normal!” This sentence, and variations of it, have been said to me and countless other reserve soldiers over the last few months. Though well-meaning (and also an important injection of optimism and hope!), people’s wider networks are sometimes unaware of the challenges that returning reserve soldiers face.

Opening the Emotion Valve: Challenges and Strategies

Emotional growth is hard-won, but with the right approach, it is within anyone's reach.

The Art of Communicating Honestly and Responsibly (Part 1 of Winter Series 5786)

Expressing feelings in marriage is essential, but it must be done honestly and responsibly to strengthen rather than damage your relationship.

Fundamentals of Trauma Recovery, Part 4

Forgive yourself for not having foreseen, protected, or responded more effectively during the trauma.

Understanding Relational Therapy and Why It Matters in Eating Disorder Treatment

This piece traces the evolution of relational therapy and shows why its emphasis on attunement, authenticity, and connection is especially effective in treating eating disorders. It reveals how the therapeutic relationship itself becomes a corrective emotional experience, allowing clients to access and heal the deeper wounds beneath disordered eating.

Israel Wartime Anxiety: 3 Emotion-Focused Therapy Tips

The more we turn towards the pain and express unmet needs, and not avoid them, the less anxious we will be.

Anorexia - the Ultimate “Protector” - and Discovering What it’s Protecting From

I was recently asked: “What are the most common deepest, darkest, most painful things that are lurking inside someone with anorexia and what are the most common protective mechanisms, or defenses that they generally turn to, to maintain their eating disorder?”

In this essay I try to answer this by offering a general overview of some of the patterns I have encountered repeatedly in my work, because of course there is no single internal system that sits underneath all anorexia. 

Imagination Makes Sense

We are sensory beings, and one of the earliest abilities that we acquire is imagination. Imagination allows us to form mental images of things not currently sensed, simulate possible future scenarios, create novel ideas, and engage in symbolic thinking.

Seen, Heard, Felt: Why AI Falls Short in the Therapy Room

Thinking of using an AI app for mental health? It might offer tips, but it can't replace a therapist. AI lacks intuition, can't read the room, and doesn't understand complex human nuance like a trained professional does. Learn why the human connection is still essential for navigating your mental well-being effectively.

40 Years of Research: Why Solving Your Marital Disputes is Not the Solution

Many couples think that they just need to be able to find an agreement, a compromise, a solution to their disagreements. And that couples' therapy is about solving their disagreements. In fact, for many years this is how couples' therapists approached therapy as well. Unfortunately, this approach failed and statistically, their success rates were very low. But the field of couples therapy research has changed dramatically. In the last 40 years, Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Leslie Greenberg, and Dr. Sue Johnson, to name a few major names have made real breakthroughs, having studied many thousands of couples, watching them closely in action, on live cameras, video, behind one-way glasses and otherwise. One of Gottman's findings is that about 70% of our disagreements as couples, never get solved! And this is true not only for failing couples but for the very successful couples as well! So, if solving problems is not what leads to success, what does? The answer is that as a therapist, I can help them reach such an emotional bond that makes the issue of solving problems redundant, a non-issue. Once they have this bond, they will not necessarily need me to solve their problems. Find out more inside.

Who's Afraid of Retirement?

Navigating retirement is not only about filling your time or learning new skills. There is value in looking back, at what was, in addition to what’s next. There are relationships with others that will be impacted by retirement, and more than that; there is also the relationship with yourself.