Self-Harm / Suicide

Self-harm and suicide are often grouped together.

In some ways, that makes sense.

Both involve suffering.
Both deserve serious attention.
Both can occur in the same person.

But they are not the same thing.

Over the years, I've worked with many people who engaged in self-harm and had no desire to die.

In fact, some of them were doing the exact opposite.

They were trying to survive.

For some, self-harm was a way to regulate overwhelming emotions.

For others, it was a way to convert emotional pain into physical pain that felt more manageable.

And for some, it was a desperate attempt to feel something when they felt emotionally numb.

None of this means self-harm is harmless.

People who self-harm are at elevated risk for future suicidal behavior.

But risk factors are not motivations.

When we automatically assume that every act of self-harm is a suicide attempt, we can misunderstand what the person is actually trying to communicate.

And when people feel misunderstood, they often become less willing to talk openly about what they are experiencing.

The goal is not to minimize self-harm.

The goal is to understand it accurately.

Because effective support begins with understanding the function of a behavior, not simply reacting to its appearance.

Self-harm and suicide often overlap.

But they are not the same thing.

And understanding the difference can help us respond more effectively to both.

Hi there. 

A close friend told me that she wishes she were dead.  I knew enough to ask her if she had a plan (she said no) but she took awhile to answer the question and she's going through a really hard time.  I believe her but I'm worried, especially since she said she doesn't have a plan "right now." Should I ask or do anything else?   

I'm curious about what process people use from going to the self harm/suicide mindset on Shabbos and Yom Tov/Chag. During the week do you distract yourself by reading books? Listening to the radio? Calling a friend? Writing in a diary? What do you do on Shabbos or Yom Tov/Chag? Have you spoken to a Rabbi about you are allowed to do? What were you told? If you haven't spoken to a Rabbi is there a reason you haven't? 

I know what my own experiances are. I'm curious what other people do. 

Is there any evidence or data that proves the myth that the suicide rate in the Jewish community is higher during Elul and early Tishrei?

I asked about Elul because all four people I knew personally who committed suicide did so during Elul. I also once had a conversation with an Askan who runs a youth centre, who told me that during Elul/Tishrei he finds himself having to carry his phone over Shabbos because there are kids in his group on the edge of acting out. We were not sure whether it has to do with the religious pressure in the air or some kind of post-summer depression. Summer blues and disappointments about expectations over the summer.

There is research about the non-Jewish holidays have higher suicide rates due to increased experiences of loneliness. 

But my thoughts are not only about loneliness. The Tishrei holidays are more fear-provoking than loneliness. I have myself spent several years studying in a country away from my family. The hardest time of feeling lonely was Chanukah.